


When The Moon Hits Your Eye

by zombiechick



Category: Warehouse 13
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-08 13:30:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1942959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiechick/pseuds/zombiechick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claudia and Artie make pizza which results in smut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When The Moon Hits Your Eye

When the Moon Hits Your Eye…  
By Zombiehunter  
Rating: M   
Summary: The usual smut that happens when two people make pizza together. Okay, well this is what happens in my fandom world anyway. 

“I’m so bored,” Claudia whined.

Artie glared at her over the file he was reading, “I thought we had a deal, Claudia,” he reminded her.

Claudia rolled her eyes and mumbled, “Yeah, yeah,” before making an attempt read the book she held in her hands.

She was quiet for a minute and five seconds; Artie counted quietly to himself. 

Claudia gave a little scream that actually managed to startle Artie; he jumped slightly off the couch, “Come on, Arthur, it’s a Saturday night.”

“And that means?” he asked her as he returned to his file.

“Well,” Claudia conceded and then spit out rapidly, “it means absolutely nothing around here but I’m young, Artie and you’re well,” she paused but then powered on despite his glare, “you’re not young but you’re not dead either. Must have some fun,” she wailed and threw herself back against the couch, her right arm covering her eyes.

Artie chuckled as he watched Claudia taking deep, dramatic breaths. He cleared his throat uncomfortably when he noticed how those deep breaths stretched her t-shirt taut across her breasts. “Well,” he cleared his throat again, “come on, Claudia,” he said as he held his hand out to her.

Claudia uncovered her eyes and looked at Artie from under her forearm. “What are we gonna do?” she asked suspiciously.

“I thought we could make dinner,” he said while pulling her off the couch and leading her into the kitchen.

Claudia glanced around the room as she was dragged to the kitchen.

“What are you looking for?” Artie asked.

“The fun we’re supposed to be having.”

Artie sighed and pushed her ahead of him, “I’ll teach you to make pizza.”

Claudia brightened visibly, “Okay, that could actually be fun.”

A half-hour later Artie was placing a Veggie pizza in the oven and carefully closing the door. “Now we get to do the really fun part.”

“What’s that?” Claudia asked.

“Cleanup,” Artie said and clapped his hands together.

“I swear you’re someone’s mother reincarnated,” Claudia said with a fake waspishness and began sweeping the unused flour off of the counter and into her palm.

“My mother would consider that a great compliment,” he informed her. After depositing the small pile of flour in the garbage can, Claudia wiped her hands on the back of her jeans which left two distinctive prints on her pert little butt. Artie eyed Claudia's floured backside and then cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

Glancing over her shoulder, Claudia noticed where Artie's eyes were plastered and a mischievous grin crossed her face. She watched Artie pour the rest of the pizza sauce into a Tupperware container and place it in the fridge. “I can't believe you convinced me to make a vegetarian pizza,” he grumped while rummaging in the fridge, moving containers to make room.

“Poor baby,” Claudia said while dragging her fingers across a puddle of pizza sauce that had dripped onto the table. “You won’t even be able to tell the difference,” she promised as she stalked towards him. “Besides, you put enough cheese on it to make up for the health benefits of the veggies so you’re covered.”

“Plenty of cheese is the secret to a good pizza,” Artie answered as he finished organizing and turned away from the fridge only to come face to face with a smiling Claudia. “What’s so funny?” he asked warily.

“Oh, it’s nothing really,” Claudia giggled slightly, “you have some sauce right there,” she pointed to his cheek.

Artie swiped at his face, “Did I get it?” he asked.

Claudia laughed again, “No, uh, you just missed it. Oh here, just let me do it,” and then she raised her sauce-covered fingers and quickly dragged them across Artie’s face. 

As Artie stood open-mouthed in front of her, Claudia broke out into huge peals of laughter and danced around the kitchen. He walked to the sink and turned on the faucet to scoop water onto his face, “Very funny, Claudia,” he muttered as he used a kitchen towel to dry himself. “I’m so glad I could be here to amuse you.”

Worried that she’d actually pissed him off Claudia sidled up to Artie with her most penitent puppy dog look, “You’re not actually mad are you, Artie?” she asked.

Artie shrugged his shoulders, waiting for her to get within a few feet of him. When he sensed that she was just behind his left shoulder he turned around quickly and Claudia saw that he held the hand spray aimed directly at her. “Nope, not mad,” he grinned and then quickly drenched her face and torso.

Claudia screamed and danced away from him, “Overkill, overkill,” she chanted. “I only wiped a little sauce on your face,” she whined.

Artie held up his hands in a show of peace, “Sorry,” he grinned.

“Yeah you really look sorry,” she snapped and began to comb her fingers through her wet hair. “This was my last clean t-shirt,” she complained, “I haven’t done laundry yet this weekend.”

Claudia mentioning her wet t-shirt made Artie’s eyes immediately drop to the aforementioned garment, ‘Oh my god,’ he thought, ‘I can see her nipples; she must not be wearing a bra.’

She smiled at Artie’s open-mouthed stare, “First Annual B&B Wet T-shirt Contest,” she said while walking toward him. “But,” she moved quickly and wrapped her arms around Artie, “I shouldn’t be the only contestant.”

He gasped as Claudia’s drenched shirt quickly saturated his own. At first Artie meant to pull away but Claudia continued to move against him, wanting to get him as soaked as possible. “Claudia,” he choked as her wiggling started a further physical reaction.

She stopped when she registered Artie’s hardness that pressed against her blue jean clad thigh. “You know you missed some sauce, Artie,” she breathed.

“Uh, did, did I?” he asked while gazing into her eyes.

Claudia nodded her head solemnly, “It’s right here,” she reached up with her lips and placed them gently against his mouth waiting for a reaction. 

Artie’s arms wrapped around Claudia and his hands slid down to her backside, where he could feel the swipes of flour left there. He tilted his head slightly and moved his lips against Claudia’s still ones to signal what he wanted.

She moaned quietly against Artie’s mouth and moved her hands so that they traveled across his shoulders, up his neck and buried her fingers in his hair. Artie turned them both around so that Claudia was pressed against the counter top. She hoisted herself up onto the edge of the sink and wrapped both legs around Artie, pulling him to her as she resumed the kiss.

Artie grabbed the hem of Claudia’s t-shirt and stepped back slightly so that he could pull it over her head. Tossing it over his shoulder, it landed on the tile floor with a definite squelching sound. Claudia smiled at him, “How long have you been planning that move?” 

“What move?” Artie asked as his lips trailed down Claudia’s shoulder, moving toward her breasts.  
“Well I know you’ve been wanting to get me out of my clothes for awhile now,” she sighed as Artie cupped her breasts in his hands, “but I didn’t expect a water fight,” Claudia gasped loudly as one of her slightly chilled nipples was encased in Artie’s hot mouth.

He chuckled while he continued to nuzzle at her breasts, “So, your story would be that I started this?” he asked incredulously as he placed small kisses around her other nipple before pulling it into his mouth.

Claudia’s fingers moved restlessly through Artie’s hair, “Maybe,” she panted, “we don’t need to worry about assigning blame.”

Artie stood back up and pulled Claudia to him in a hug while he kissed her full on the mouth. Her gasp made him step back quickly, “What, what’s wrong?” he asked.

“Your t-shirt is still wet!” she howled. She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered.

Artie did his best not to laugh but couldn’t help himself. His chuckling earned him a smack on the arm from Claudia. “Okay, okay,” he said, “sorry but we should stop this,” he motioned between them, “anyway.”

Claudia’s face fell and Artie could tell she’d been hurt by his comment, “Are you sorry that we, because I’m not and…I don’t want to stop,” she practically growled at him.

Artie threw up his hands realizing she’s misunderstood him; “I mean we need to stop because the pizza has to be taken out of the oven in fifteen minutes.” Realization dawned on Claudia’s face as Artie helped her off the counter top. “And,” he said kissing her softly, “I’d like more than fifteen minutes to uh…” he faltered and Claudia saw that he was blushing a little.

She grinned, “Sweet,” then she took his hand and pulled him toward the stairs, “but if we’re going to eat dinner first, I need a new t-shirt and so do you. The B&B kitchen is much too chilly to eat pizza au naturel.”

Chapter 2

Artie and Claudia ate their pizza in the living room. Claudia wore one of Artie’s shirts; a sight that both turned him on and made his heart ache deliciously. Artie had found a classic Hollywood marathon on the television and was introducing Claudia to the greatness that was Bogie. They laughed together while watching “African Queen” and Claudia smacked and moaned her way through three slices of pizza. “I swear, Artie,” she said while theatrically licking her lips, “you’re some kind of magician in the kitchen.”

Artie smiled, “I’m glad you liked it but, you know, you helped too.”

“True,” Claudia agreed, “Makes me wonder what other sorts of things you could teach me,” and she waggled her eyebrows.

Artie threw back his head and practically howled with laughter. His laughing fit subsided slowly and he wiped at his eyes while a slightly annoyed Claudia watched him, “Sorry,” he panted, “sorry, that was just…,” he chuckled. “Okay, okay, come here,” he pulled the perturbed Claudia to him and planted a kiss on the top of her head. “Let my pizza digest for a few minutes, okay?” He pointed at the television, “We’ll watch a bit of “Casablanca”; you’ll like it, it’s romantic.”

Claudia gave a slightly annoyed, “Hmmph,” but snuggled into Artie’s embrace and turned her eyes toward the television.

She found herself drawn into the storyline rather quickly and so only halfway acknowledged the way that Artie was stroking her back sometime later. “Claudia,” he murmured in her ear.

“Shhh,” Claudia chided him, “Artie, I wanna see what Captain Renault is going to do; he’s gotta know Rick is lying.” She leaned toward the television with a concentrated look on her face.

Leaning away from Artie meant his hands had better access to the buttons on her shirt. He undid the bottom two and slid his hand up her stomach to cup her right breast, “Claudia,” he murmured once again squeezing her flesh, his palm tickling her nipple.

“Yeah?” Claudia gasped.

Artie smiled, knowing that he now had her undivided attention, “There are things called DVDs,” he stated while licking slowly up her neck.

“I’ve heard of ‘em,” Claudia moaned and laid her head back so that Artie’s teeth could reach her ear.

“I’ll buy you the whole Criterion collection, if you want,” he panted as his hands circled her waist and Claudia was hoisted onto his lap.

Claudia grinned hugely, “Already offering to be my sugar daddy and we haven’t even sealed the deal.”

“You’re a poet, Claudia,” Artie chastised her.

She smirked and pulled her shirt over her head, dropping it on the floor behind her. Artie’s t-shirt quickly followed and then she leaned down to kiss him again. They both practically purred as their heated skin made contact. The living room of the B&B was filled with quiet sounds of satisfaction as lips collided, tongues dueled, and their hands searched out those special spots that brought the other spiraling closer and closer to release.

When Claudia began grinding her backside into Artie's lap in small, maddening, circles, he stopped her. Pulling his mouth from her sweat-slicked throat, he laid back against the headrest panting loudly, “Let's uh, let's move upstairs,” he suggested.

Claudia licked her way up Artie's neck and planted a kiss on his goatee, “Why?” she asked while kissing along his jawline and then pulling his earlobe between her lips and sucking.

Artie moaned and laughed at the same time with the strange mix of sexual and ticklish feelings she was creating. He slid his hands down her slick back and rested them on her butt, pulling her into him to grind at the heat radiating from between her legs, “Because, while making out on the couch has been fun, my bed will be much more comfortable.”

Claudia removed her mouth from the spot on Artie's neck that she had been turning into a world-class hickey and sat back to look at him, “You're full of excellent ideas tonight, Artie.”

“Thank you.”

Claudia hopped up from his lap, “Last one upstairs is a rotten egg,” she crowed and then rain for the staircase.

Artie was happy to be a “rotten egg” if it meant he could watch a blue jean clad Claudia bouncing up the stairs, barefoot and topless. He took a minute to pick up their discarded clothes, just in case Pete and Mykah got back earlier than he expected them to, and turned off the TV silently apologizing to Bogie for interrupting his heartfelt speech to Ingrid Bergman.

He entered his room to find Claudia already naked, waiting for him in his bed. “Hey,” he pouted slightly, “you uh, you already got undressed; I wanted to do that.”

Claudia grinned, “Sorry to disappoint; you can take off my pants next time, I promise.”

Artie's heart skipped a happy little beat at the mention of “next time” like this wasn't just a bored Claudia playing with an old guy's heart but something else. He threw their shirts over the back of a chair and walked toward the bed, “Are you going to hide under the covers?” he asked.

Claudia blushed, “It's a little cold out there, ya know?”

Artie grabbed the edge of the blanket, “But I want to see you, Claudia,” he murmured. “I promise I won't let you get cold.”

Claudia blushed even more at this but loosened her death-grip on the edge of the blanket so that Artie could move it off of her, “Okay, Artie,” she murmured. 

He sat on the bed and pulled the blankets down to Claudia's waist stopping there while he held her gaze and then smiled, “You're beautiful.” Claudia smiled back at him as Artie began to stroke her skin, examining every inch of her, “You have a patch of freckles on your shoulder that's shaped like one of Diophantus' equations,” he stated as he kissed the very spot that he spoke of.

“Uh, okay,” Claudia grinned and then she sighed at the feel of Artie's lips on her shoulder blade.

He moved further down her body and paid special attention to her breasts while his hands stroked her arms and hips. “And you've got a little scar on your right hip,” he said right before kissing here there.

“Appendicitis,” Claudia breathed and then moaned as Artie's goatee brushed across the skin of her hip. “What exactly are you doing?” Claudia grinned.

“Taking inventory of a new artifact,” he stated, “I happen to be a very thorough agent.” His lips stopped when they reached Claudia's left hip and he cleared his throat, “You have a tattoo, Claudia.”

Claudia bit her lip and looked suddenly embarrassed, “Oh, yeah, uh that...well it's...”

Artie leaned closer, “It looks like some sort of dagger but it's so teeny that it's hard to tell.”

Artie's warm breath on her skin was making it difficult for Claudia to concentrate, “I wimped out on the guy giving me the tattoo; it was supposed to be about three inches long but I couldn't take the pain of the needle.” She moaned in frustration, “Could we move this back to the foreplay?”

Artie traveled back up Claudia's body until they were face to face; he kissed her softly and smiled, “We will as soon as you tell me the story behind the tattoo.” Claudia wrapped her legs around Artie's waist, trying to distract him but to no avail.

“Alright, alright,” she huffed, “it's sort of there because of you.”

“Hmm,” Artie looked down to contemplate the tattoo once again, “I would have preferred something like a heart I guess but...”

She sighed realizing she wasn't going to get out of an explanation, “Three years ago, when I decided to come after you, I got the tattoo.”

“Uh-huh,” Artie said encouraging her to continue by kissing her neck and shoulders softly.

“And,” Claudia faltered when Artie began sucking on her earlobe, “that's distracting, Arthur. Anyway, the whole situation with Joshua, it was like someone had stuck a knife in my gut so, you know...uh, I got the tattoo to remind me to never stop until I'd found you and made you pay,” she spit out quickly.

Artie nuzzled at her ear, “Mykah told me about the Artie Voodoo doll she found at your apartment too,” he informed her.

Claudia laughed, “Yeah well that little guy could take a lot more abuse than my books or research notes. I don't know how many times I threw him against the wall.”

Artie pulled back the blanket and chuckled while he moved back down Claudia's body to resume his “artifact inspection” but Claudia stopped him with a heartfelt whine. “I told you I needed more than fifteen minutes,” Artie reminded her before laying a kiss on her sex. Claudia moaned as Artie's hands stroked up her thighs to spread her legs.

Claudia threw one arm back to claw at the pillow under her head while the other was buried in Artie's hair as he licked and sucked; his hands never stopped moving on her thighs, lower stomach and breasts. A low keen slipped from between Claudia's lips and she panted, “Artie is it okay if I...I'm going to...” In answer, Artie sped up the movements of his tongue on Claudia's clit and she exploded with pleasure mere moments later.

He pebbled small kisses on Claudia's hips and thighs and was considering starting the whole process over again when Claudia got his attention by gently pulling him up her body by his hair. Artie surreptitiously wiped his mouth on the top sheet and then met Claudia's half-lidded gaze, “Was there something that you wanted to tell me?”

“Yeah,” she panted, “your fifteen minutes are up, Professor,” and then she quickly flipped him over on his back. Claudia immediately dived on Artie's belt and had it open and his trousers off in less than a minute. Tossing the rest of Artie's garments onto the floor, she straddled his hips and declared, “Next time, I get to torture you.”

Artie chuckled and stroked his hands down Claudia's back to rest on her hips, “You won't hear me complaining,” he assured her.

Claudia lifted onto her knees while Artie positioned himself so that, when she settled back down, Artie slid into her slowly. They both held still for a few moments and Claudia blushed when Artie held her gaze with his own. Then he leaned up and captured her lips in a slow, warm kiss while Claudia rocked against him. 

They both moaned into the kiss and had to break it off in order to breathe, taking deep panting breaths. Claudia hummed with pleasure when she found just the right angle and Artie went back to worshiping her breasts while she moved on him. He gasped with pleasure when she tightened herself around him and would have asked her to hold back, to prolong the moment, if not for the rapturous look on her face. His clever fingers found their way between their sweat-slicked bodies to stroke her a few times; the very thing that she needed to find her release.

And when she pulsed around him, Claudia leaned down to kiss Artie once again which was all he needed to push him over the edge. He bellowed his release into Claudia's mouth and pulled her tightly against him while her shivers of ecstasy subsided. Neither of them could remember feeling so tired and so satiated before. Artie had just enough strength to pull the top sheet and blanket over them before they both feel into a deep sleep.

One week later

Pete came dancing into the living room of the B&B, “It's Friday night,” he announced. “Anybody up for a little,” he gave a little hip bump directed at Mykah, “fun?” he asked.

Claudia laughed and threw a piece of popcorn at Pete's head, “What would you suggest?” 

Pete's face brightened at someone taking him up on his offer but then quickly fell, “I've got nothin',” he admitted.

Artie glared at the both of them from behind his newspaper, annoyed at being interrupted.

“I know what we could do,” Mykah chimed in. 

“What, what?” Pete asked excitedly.

“Well, I saw some dough in the freezer,” she informed him, “maybe we could make pizza.”

Artie's newspaper was instantly drenched as he spit his mouthful of coffee all over it. Claudia jumped off the couch and ran to Artie's side, lightly patting him on the back, “Naw, let's get ice cream instead.” 

THE END


End file.
